看到一篇读者投稿求助男女交往的文章，随便写写

没有科学研究表明解决强国男女交往的种种小事，会引起土匪恶意破坏男女正常交往的心灵毒汤失灵，从而达到破坏土匪攻击力，导致土匪倒台的功效，

但是鉴于本站有人头像写着反贼，分分钟却被女方拿捏，瞬间由反贼变成粉红的先例，我觉得还是有必要参考一下外国人他们怎么处理类似的情况，本站上这个具体例子就不单独点名了，

随便写写，初衷就是，也许解决男女交往上的一些问题，能够间接间接再间接的瓦解一点土匪的破坏力，

以下是卫报读者来稿原文，

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2023/oct/29/it-was-love-at-first-sight-but-now-she-is-distant-and-cold-philippa-perry

The question I’ve been in a six-month relationship with my girlfriend who I fell in love with the first time I met her. I feel connected to her and know she feels the same when we’ve talked about our feelings. I’ve never met anyone like her before. Unfortunately, she had a very traumatic life before she met me. I have done everything in my power to show her there are good people in the world. She has been abused by exes, cheated on and much worse, which she has told me in confidence. I am always there to support her financially, physically and mentally for whatever she needs.
我和女友在一起半年了，是一见钟情的那种。我感觉和她心有灵犀，说起这个事情的时候,她说她和我的感觉一样。我从来没遇到过像她这样的女孩。有点不幸的是，她在遇到我之前，经历过巨大创伤。我已经尽了全力试图让她能体会到这个世界上是有好人的。她的所有前任都对她不是很好，他们反复背叛她，做各种出轨的事情甚至有更糟的情况，这些都是她私下透露给我的。我一直在经济上支持她，给她无微不至的关怀。

She regularly goes through depressive episodes that can be triggered by even small things. Unfortunately, these have built up over time to where she is now cold with me. She will speak to me as if I’m an idiot in front of other people. I don’t call her out because I respect her. She is not physically intimate with me any more. I ask her how I can make things easier for her, but she always says “nothing”. She has encouraged me to leave our relationship. But I know from other moments and conversations that she loves me, and she hates that she’s pushing me away. I am being brought down with her. How can I get this right and help her better?
现在她会出现一些情绪上的问题，常常因为一些小事情搞得不开心。时间长了，就发展成她不怎么理我了。在旁人面前，她会用那种把我当白痴一样的口气说话。我不会当场表现出来，因为我把她当人看。她也不和我亲近了。我问她我怎么做才能让她好过一点，她总说我不需要做什么。她甚至鼓动我走开，结束我们的感情。但是我发现有时候和她说话的时候，她并不想让我走开。我感觉我被她搞郁闷了。我想让事情好起来，让她好起来，我该怎么办?

评论区里中肯评论很多，挑几个评论，大家可以ｃｔｒｌ／ｃｍｄ＋ｆ搜索ｍａｎｉｐｕｌａｔｅ／－ｉｖｅ／－ｉｏｎ在评论里面出现了多少次，

£10 says she's your first ever girlfriend. Don't be a mug.
我赌十块钱这男的没谈过恋爱。题主别傻了。

--@clarkiecat

This seems highly manipulative. She’s essentially giving herself a free pass to treat you like shit by making it entirely your responsibility for sticking around. Run away!
题主这经历，是被拿捏了啊。她这基本上就是把你当舔狗随便拿捏，告诉你你要赖着不走就完全是你自己的责任。还不快闪人！

--@caro81

She sounds exactly like my ex. The stories of her exes being abusive, the depression causing a distant attitude at times, but occasional intimacy that acts kind of like a Skinner Box, giving just enough to keep you trying to bring those moments back. She would push me away, then give me just enough encouragement so that I'd persuade her to come back.
和我前任一样一样的。那些往事，前任对她不好啦，心情不好导致两人隔阂啊，但是时不时两人亲近一下，好像挠痒痒一样，又可以把两人之间的感情救回来。她会疏远我，然后又恰到好处，鼓动让我把她找回来。

I stayed with her for nearly 5 years, to the edge of getting married. But the distant behaviour morphed into increasingly abusive behaviour. I ended the relationship after she put her hands round my throat and said 'I should just strangle you now and have done with it'. That argument was because I refused to agree with her that my family was horrible.
我和她在一起差不多５年，都快结婚了才分。那时，这种故意疏远再反复的行为模式已经愈演愈烈，让人无法忍受了。当她最终掐着我的脖子说「我应该勒死你，我现在说到做到」，我结束了我们之间的感情。

Since we split up, I've been accused by some people of hitting her. Apparently she's been going around telling people this, the same way she told me about her other exes hitting her. I still don't know if her stories about her exes were true, but the stories about me definitely aren't. Perhaps there's a grain of truth in the stories about her other exes, maybe some of them physdically defended themselves from her abuse. I don't know, I abhor violence but I doubt they deserve too much blame if they ever actually hit her back.
自打我们分手，我就被旁人说成是家暴她。很明显是她到处在外面说我坏话，说我家暴，和她当初告诉我她几个前任家暴她的戏码一样。我现在都不知道她说前任家暴她的事情到底是不是真的，但是她在外面讲我家暴她的事情完全是瞎编的。她说前任家暴的事情，也许有真实的成分，但也有可能是她肢体侵犯他们时候他们采取的防卫。我无从判断，但是我感觉就算是他们真的打了她，也不会是像现在她口中说的他们家暴那么严重。

--@ReidMalenfant

最后对舔狗状和正在变成舔狗状的强国男人说一句，

土匪让你撒钱买个女友，
舔狗最终舔到一无所有，


昨天有人说打败土匪需要搞钱搞枪搞炮搞人搞组织搞事搞大新闻，我觉得能把身边人和事处理好了也是对土匪的一种反击，我们并没有按照那个反共手册上写的操作，也许看了我这些废话，舔狗并不会减少，就是少了也未必能撼动土匪，但是我还是写了一大堆，

主要是我觉得没有所谓标答，